25 posts tagged “bear”

My new camera arrived. Here are some lovely pictures I've taken. I've been doing a lot of enthusiastic zooming in, so please excuse me.

Bear has taken to nicking apples from the tree in the back garden, or, at least, those that have fallen on the ground. This includes the horrible mouldy brown ones, which give him stomach ache. I caught him earlier munching one. As I approached he ran off, forcing me to chase him round the garden as he devoured the thing. He kept sprinting away and stopping, then, when I got too close, he'd gallop away just quickly enough so that I couldn't catch him - but without breaking a sweat. It was kind of embarrassing to be outwitted in such a way.

Is there no end to the beast's appetite nor, indeed, his cunning?

I'm back from my holidays and thought I would share some once-in-a-lifetime memories. Of them.

It's still effing raining! I am currently sawing the shit out of some ethically-sourced sustainable planks for my ark. Bear's gonna tow me down the mighty canal that was formerly our street. I'll attach some bananas to the end of a fishing rod and hold them out in front. I figure the furry little blob is stupid enough to fall for this.

Au revoir, auf weidersehen, arrivederci as Tony Blair would say... I'll send you a postcard from wherever we end up (Hull, knowing my luck).

Following his recent dental work, I've become slightly obsessed with the appearance dog's mouth. So I took these photos in celebration.

Bear has had some cosmetic dentistry work. Well, I say cosmetic but actually there was a health risk in that if he didn't have the inches of yellow and brown scum chipped off his gnashers, it might have caused future problems.

Consequently, he now has gleaming white teeth, which is quite funny because they don't really suit his otherwise dishevelled appearance.

Here's what they looked like before (a bit like the subliminal "Captain Howdy" demon out of The Exorcist, I always think):

And now they're like this:

Bear is still recovering from the anaesthetic and keeps bumping into things. He attempted to jump on to the sofa and fell off. And he's had bits of his coat shaved off, which reveals the black undercoat on his otherwise brown leg.

Channel Five has paid £300m to show crap Australian children's soap Neighbours for the next decade, ending its 21-year run on BBC1. Amazing. This programme really is operating at the sub-Hollyoaks level of rubbishness. Channel Five, or "five", as the marketing people insist it must be known, must be off their tits. They also show Home and Away, which is Neighbours' historic rival, formerly on ITV. I suppose the rationale is that it will deliver a consistent audience of a couple of million. But I fear that once it's on Five, the veneer of respectability will vanish and its true awfulness will be revealed.

I occasionally put Neighbours on at lunchtime because, without fail, the theme tune causes Bear to howl like a moron. Which is quite funny.

Anyway, check out this clip of Neighbours deaths. HAROLD!!! TODD!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!! Etc. Jim Robinson (Alan Dale), who has since become one of American TV's most ubiquitous faces (featuring in Lost, 24, The OC, CSI:Miami, The West Wing AND Ugly Betty) is in there as well, with a ridiculous red-faced tumble on to some chairs. Plus Granny Helen pops her clogs. Tragic.

And this is the opening credit sequence from 1989. I remember this vividly. It never ceases to amaze me the way Bouncer the dog is swimming in the pool with all the people at the end of the sequence. I love dogs but I don't think I'd get into a swimming pool with one in it. Maybe I'm being squeamish.

I went to the Lake District on Sunday. Here are some blurry photos from my phone. The last one shows one of the wind turbines at Kirkby Moor wind farm, outside Ulverston. I think wind turbines look quite nice - they add something futuristic and white to the rural landscape.

It was the first time Bear met Barney, who belongs to Emma's mum's partner (I hesitate to use the word "boyfriend" for any man over 50). It wasn't wholly successful. They had to be kept separate.

With that in mind, here are some photos of Bear, which I'm posting to wile away the time until it's over.

10pm update: Now Charlotte Church and her damned "theme tune" is on. Guests: Danny Dyer, Manic Street Preachers and John EFFING Barrowman. Jesus. Maybe I should, like, start going out again on Fridays.

And a new Dunny of mine:

All this were taken on my phone. Its camera is quite impressive in daylight but otherwise pretty rubbish.